Author: Daniel Sundahl
In the high-stress world of first responders, resilience isn’t just a buzzword—it’s essential for survival, both physically and mentally. While first responder resilience is often associated with mental toughness or the ability to “push through,” true resilience is built through connection. It’s about fostering relationships that support and sustain us through the toughest times.
The Power of Connection
Resilience doesn’t happen in isolation. It is developed and strengthened through meaningful relationships—whether with family, peers, mentors, or community support systems. Research shows that strong social connections improve mental health, reduce stress, and increase overall well-being. For first responders, who frequently face trauma and high-pressure situations, connection serves as a critical buffer against burnout and emotional exhaustion.
The Garden Analogy
If you’re a gardener, you know that to grow healthy plants, you don’t just focus on the fruit—you cultivate the soil. You ensure the plant gets the right amount of water, sunlight, and nutrients. The same principle applies to resilience. When we focus on connection, we provide ourselves with the necessary conditions to thrive. The result? A more fulfilling, joyful, and sustainable life.
How to Build a Resilience Routine
Resilience isn’t something you develop overnight; it requires a consistent, intentional approach. Your resilience routine should include elements that you practice daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annually. Here’s how:
Four Key Elements of a Resilience Routine
Congruence
Resilience begins with understanding what fits in your life—what is congruent and what isn’t. This concept, borrowed from high school geometry, refers to alignment. In your personal and professional life, what feels right for you? What aspects of your work or daily routine align with your sense of self, and what doesn’t?
- Professional congruence: Do your responsibilities align with your strengths and values?
- Personal congruence: Are you engaging in activities and relationships that truly fit who you are?
- Social congruence: Some relationships may feel draining rather than supportive. Recognizing this is key to maintaining resilience.
For example, imagine you’ve played on the same softball league with your college buddies for years, and it used to bring you joy. But now, you dread going. You feel exhausted afterward, and it no longer fits. Recognizing this incongruence and deciding not to play next season may feel uncomfortable, but it’s necessary for your well-being. Likewise, if you’re on a special team at work—such as a cold-water rescue unit—but hate cold water, it may be time to consider transitioning out when appropriate. Some changes are small, like adjusting your environment, while others require making tough decisions for your long-term wellness.
Vert Needs (Introvert vs. Extrovert)
Understanding whether you are an introvert or extrovert helps shape your resilience routine. Introverts recharge with quiet, solitary time, while extroverts thrive in social settings. If your current life isn’t allowing you to meet these needs, it may be time to adjust your routine to create balance.
For instance, if you’re introverted and work in a loud, busy environment, you may need intentional quiet time each day to recharge. This can be challenging, especially if you have a high-stress job and a house full of kids. Many parents hide in the bathroom for a few moments of peace but then shame themselves for it. Instead of feeling guilty, recognize that meeting your need for solitude helps you show up better in all aspects of life. Creating a small, designated quiet space at home—even just a cozy corner in a closet—can make a difference.
Sensory Needs
Just as we have personality-driven needs, we also have sensory preferences. Some people are high sensory—thriving in high-energy environments with loud music, bright lights, and intense activity. Others are low sensory—needing calm, quiet spaces to feel grounded. Being aware of your sensory needs allows you to build environments and routines that recharge rather than drain you. If you’re high sensory, blasting music and dancing around the house may be part of your resilience routine. On particularly tough days, screaming along to loud music in the car isn’t necessarily a sign of losing control—it may just be meeting a sensory need.
Structure and Counterbalancing
Structure helps create order in our lives, making it easier to maintain resilience. Some tasks are inherently stressful or incongruent, but structuring them differently can help. If you’ve been promoted and now deal with administrative work you dislike, setting a routine—such as handling paperwork at a designated time each morning—can make it more manageable.
Counterbalancing is another key strategy. Some responsibilities can’t be avoided, so we find ways to balance them with fulfilling activities. If part of your job is visiting the jail and you find it draining, try scheduling those visits at a set time each week and treating yourself to a favorite lunch afterward. Similarly, a night-shift dispatcher might counterbalance their exposure to distressing calls by spending time in the community before work, reminding themselves of the positive aspects of their town beyond what happens overnight.
Play
Play isn’t just for kids; it’s essential for adults, too. Finding moments of fun and enjoyment strengthens resilience and improves overall well-being. Some forms of play include:
- Sports (team or solo activities)
- Games (board games, video games, card games)
- Creativity (painting, woodworking, music, gardening)
- Storytelling (reading, movies, sharing stories with friends)
- Exploration (travel, trying new restaurants, engaging in new experiences)
Engaging in play strengthens your sense of self and deepens your connections with others.
Implementing Your Routine
Creating a resilience routine requires action. Start by reflecting on what you need in each category and incorporate those elements into your schedule. Think about what you can do daily, weekly, and over longer periods to maintain balance and sustain your well-being.
If this all feels overwhelming, that’s okay. Start small. If you’re feeling disconnected from yourself, don’t worry—it’s a process. Listening to your central nervous system and making intentional choices will lead to gradual improvements in your resilience.
Take the Next Step
What will your resilience routine look like? Start small, be consistent, and make connection a priority. Your future self will thank you.
This blog is taken as an excerpt from our webinar with Shannon Mead. Watch the full webinar here.